Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Parenting 101: Pull'n off the Placebo

Last week was Spring Break and we took that opportunity to march the entire family down to the local eye doctor for exams and new glasses.  Holy Wow.. that was an expensive day!

So we did the family parade through the exam rooms... one by one... then we got our prescriptions and sat down to select glasses. Lets just say the frame prices alone gave me hives and we exited, STAT, before I full-on hyperventilated.  Next stop... Walmart.

Three hours later frames had been selected by all and the glasses were ordered.  Side note:  I embraced the "old" and ordered those nifty progressive lenses for distance AND reading. Yeah I'm cool like that.

So this is where the story gets fun.  Two days later Huey's glasses are ready for pickup. So we head over to Walmart.  Huey puts on his glasses and does this, "Whoa... dizzy... headache... gotta take these off before I fall down" number.  Instantly Army Guy and I are convinced the lenses are wrong.  Of course Walmart-Lady doesn't want to return the glasses or check to make sure the prescription is correct, explaining that we should give him a few days to adjust. Great! You get what you pay for... Got it!  

Sure enough, the next day Huey is still doing the "Lawdy I'm gonna be sick" routine every time he puts the glasses on.  It's priceless... he really sells it.... stumbles and everything.  At this point Army Guy and I know the lenses are definitely NOT RIGHT!  Then Army Guy has this genius thought..."I know... maybe they got the lenses backwards". So he tells Huey to put the glasses on upside down to see if its better. Huey does this and it's instantly solved! GREAT! So back to Walmart we go to ask them to remake the glasses. Walmart Lady says, "we don't have to remake them, the lenses are the same size, we can just switch them."  10 minutes later the lenses are switched and Huey tries them on.  No go!  Still not right! (DUH.. you can't just swap the lenses, Walmart Lady! They are measured to the exact spot of his eyeballs!  sheesh)   Again she gives us the "take a day or two to see if he adjusts" story. Nifty!

The next day Huey still insists they are not right so, being the awesome mom that I am, I march my hiney  back to the eye doctor to have them check the lenses.  Of course the eyeglass lady at that uber-expensive shop gives me quite the attitude.  Her sneer said it all... "see what you get when you take your prescription to Walmart?". I could hear her sarcasm via telepathy.  It's a gift! So she checks the glasses and tells me in the snottiest way imaginable, "Well for starters the lenses are flipped".  Yeah, yeah... I tell her the story... bla bla bla... moving on.  Then she insists that even if the lenses are on correctly, they are still really, really wrong.  "Like WHOA... wrong", she says. Of course she won't tell me how they are wrong.  She just says Walmart can check them and will see how off they are.

Awesome! So I head back to Walmart, mentally preparing myself for a show-down. This issue will NOT beat me!  Just won't! I take the glasses to a new and improved Walmart-Lady and ask her to check them.  First thing out of her mouth... "well the lenses are flipped"   Yeah, yeah... I bring her up to date.  She looks at me like that is the stupidest thing she has ever heard.  (because, you know, it really is). She's like, " I cannot believe my associate just flipped the lenses... THEY AREN'T EVEN THE SAME SHAPE". Anyway, she flips them back and then checks the glasses. Low and behold they are PERFECT! Spot On! They are the most excellent example of craftsmanship that Walmart has ever produced in the history of ever! She insists it's true.  So of course Walmart will not take them back.  And now I'm in a catch-22 because the doctor will not re-examine Huey until the glasses are right. Of course the doctor's office girl insists that they are NOT right.  (If you are still with me at this point... you must really love me)

Later that night Army Guy and I discuss what we should do and decide we need an impartial opinion.  We discuss the option of a 3rd Optometrist to check both the glasses and Huey's eyes.  We resolve to get to the bottom of this even though we've already spent a stink'n fortune.  If our boy can't see... we will pay more. Just will!

But then I have this brilliant idea.  "Before we shell out more cash for another exam, let's try giving him a placebo".  Army Guy and I plot our next move and then call Huey in to discuss his glasses.  I hand him the glasses. (Which are now exactly as they were the first day we picked them up.  Remember the day he was going to be sick and couldn't keep his balance? Yeah, that day.)  Handing him the glasses I say, "Hey Buddy, try your glasses. Mommy spent the day with the eye doctor and the Walmart Lady going back and forth, back and forth, until they got your glasses fixed. They made some adjustments and they think they got it right. Try them on."  I hand Huey the glasses and hold my breath while he puts them on.

The verdict?  "Yup... it's all good mom... thanks for getting these fixed!" 

Army Guy glances at me behind Huey's back and gives me this awesome "thumbs up" pose.  Later we decide we are the most brilliant parents in the history of the universe!  No contest!  :)






Yup... nothing has changed around here in 4 years.  We're still crazy!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Now... THAT is a good one. Way to go mommy & daddy!!!

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