Toddler Time at a Local Steak House

Tonight we went to dinner with our good friends Brian, Kelly, and Elli to celebrate Brian's birthday at a local family restaurant in our neighborhood. They make a mean burger and are pretty family friendly, so I figured it would be ok.....

For those of you who don't remember how dinner at a steak house with 4 children under 5 might go..... Let me just set the scene for you....

Cast of Characters

Elli: Four years old and adorable. Elli enjoys being the center of the boys' universe.
Huey: A smidge younger than four. He adores Elli.
Dewey: Two-and-a-half. Also adores Elli but enjoys being a puppy more.
Louie: Affectionately called "Baby". He is not quite one-and-a-half and really, really adores ketchup.
Brian: Elli's dad and the birthday boy.
Kelly: Elli's mom and my dear friend
Me

So here is just a small sample of how dinner went....

Elli: Huey!
Huey: Elli!
Dewey: Bark! Bark!
Baby: AAAUUGGHHH! (throws sippy cup on the floor)
Me: (frantically searching diaper bag for something to feed baby while we wait for the food)
Me: Dewey, get up off the floor. You are not a puppy!
Dewey: Bark! Bark!
Baby: (biting table)
Huey: I want a corn dog!
Me: You don't like the bread on corn dogs.
Huey: I do like corn dogs. I want them!
Me: Who smells poopy?
Baby: Uh oh! (Throws cup on the floor)
Dewey: I want chicken
Me: I really need to feed baby before he loses it.
Baby: (loses it)
Dewey: I want grilled cheese
Me: Dewey, do you want grilled cheese or chicken?
Dewey: Grilled cheese chicken
Me: Hey there's some bread on that table over there
Baby: still biting table
Brian: That was left by someone else
Kelly: They didn't touch it. It should be good.
Me: (getting leftover bread because I am desperate to feed baby ANYTHING so he'll stop crying... and biting the table!)
Elli: Ms. Lori, can I have some bread?
Dewey: Bark! Bark! Bread! (crawling under table)
Me: Dewey do you want chicken?
Dewey: chicken grilled cheese
Baby: (drinks milk and spews it onto the table. Laughs hysterically)
Me: Who smells poopy?
Brian: (taking pictures of kids acting like idiots in a restaurant.)
Me: This bread is hard as a rock.
Brian: (banging the bread on the table) This is good bread!
Elli: Ms. Lori, can I have some bread?
Waitress delivers food
Huey: Hey! I don't like the bread on corn dogs!
Baby: Whaa whaaa whaaa. Oh... French fries!
Dewey: I wanted a hot dog!
Huey (picking the bread off his corn dog)
Kelly (attempting to have an adult conversation with me)
Me: (blank stare)
Dewey: (Ignoring the plate his food was served on and eating straight off the table)
Baby: (Ignoring anything that resembles food while enjoying finger painting with ketchup)
Elli: Ms. Lori, can I have some butter on my bread?
Kelly: ELLI!
Brian: Hey is that Santa Clause over there? (steals a French fry from Elli's plate)
Huey: (finishes picking every scrap of bread from his corn dog and runs around the restaurant with Elli.)
Dewey: (loses all interest in food and returns to his dog house under the table)
Me: thank goodness we are the only ones in this restaurant
Baby: (standing in the high chair). Whaa, whaa, whaa. (Throws cup on the floor)
Me: Dewey get up off the floor
Dewey: (reaches from under the table to grab a chicken nugget)
Brian: Lori, are you ok?
Me: Who smells poopy?
Elli: Ms. Lori, can I have some butter on my bread?
All kids: running around the restaurant
Me: Blank stare

Fast forward four hours..... the kids are all asleep and I suddenly realize.... "Hey! WHO WAS POOPY?"

(note: the above described events really DID take place and are only slightly exaggerated. No children were harmed during the course of the evening... much... and all children DID, in fact, go to bed with clean butts!) :o)