Olympian Effort at the Magic Kingdom

 

It was an Olympian Effort.  Herculean even!  Last July we had ONE day to do all the things at the Wonderful World of Disney.  Of course, getting six people to agree on ONE Disney park was not in the cards. Because, here's the problem... Disney has brilliantly placed at least one must do attraction at each park.  I can't blame them for that... really can't.  What I can blame them for is charging $246 for a one-day park-hopper pass.  PER PERSON!  Really Disney? You cut me.  

Anyway, we had a plan: Visit the highlights of each park in ONE DAY. 

Here's how the day unfolded...

We began at Disney's Hollywood Studios because Galaxy's Edge was the top priority for the Ducklings (is it okay to still refer to a 6'6" fully grown man as a "duckling"?)  Things to ponder.   

Galaxy's Edge did NOT disappoint. We were sure to stop by Oga's Cafe for a snack. That was weird and cool and fun all wrapped up into one delicious Star Wars immersion experience. 

Our next stop was Epcot where we were sure to hit Soar'n and Test Track.  We then dined at Le Cellier, the steakhouse in Canada.  Holy Wow... amazing meal!

Onward to Animal Kingdom for "Flight of the Avatar", my hands-down-all-time-favorite-ride-at-any-amusement-park, ever!  Sadly, Matthew could not ride because they couldn't get his tall, tall body with those long, long legs secured into the seat-contraption. I had so much sad for Matthew. It gave me a flash-back of the major trauma Ikea caused when they decided he was TOO TALL to enter the children's play place.  HE WAS SIX!  I think Matthew still carries scars over that. Disney just doubled down on his childhood trauma. All for the price of $246.  Way to go Disney.  Epic Fail. Clearly being super tall is not all lollipops and roses. There are real world problems no one ever discusses. (Imnagine this paragraph with In the Arms of an Angel playing in the background). 

At this point it was 6:45 pm and Animal Kingdom was about to close for the day.  And this is the exact moment that Army Guy and I decided we were OUT.  Scratch that... WE didn't decide... OUR BODIES did.  There comes a time when age smacks you in the face with a massive dose of reality.  And let me tell you... doing three Disney parks in one day might have been a cake-walk for 43-year-old-me with three babies and a double stroller, but my 60-year-old self was NOT HAVING IT!  My feet said "NOPE" and Army guy's back was about to quit - FULL STOP!  So, we pulled the "I'm-old-and-tired" card and let the kids run wild.  

Here's the part that slays me.  While Army Guy and I shuffled off to the car singing Just Put One Foot in Front of the Other... Andrew and Cali decided they could run across the park to catch a ride on Expedition Everest once more before the park closed.  Yes, these kids had the energy to RUN, while Army Guy and I were barely functioning as actual human beings. Truth... we had to stop for refreshment on the way to the car.  What?  It was July in Florida. Hydration is paramount to life. Fact.  Meanwhile... across the park, Andrew and Cali rode the coaster TWICE before heading to the car.  And here's the kill shot - They reached the car a mere three minutes after Army Guy and I had arrived. Aging is a %$^*&. Am I right?

But there was one park left to visit, and the Magic Kingdom didn't close until midnight.  My brain said "YAY... I love the Magic Kingdom". I still held out hope.  But then reality smacked me in the face again.  Three steps out of the car and my feet urgently reiterated, "NOPE".  Swallowing my pride, I crawled back into the car with Army Guy, where we sat for five hours, with the A/C running and listening to 80's music, while our offspring enjoyed the Happiest Place on Earth.  And let me tell you something:  That air-conditioned Jeep Wagoneer, in the parking lot, with the music of my youth, and the love of my life... it was a pretty happy place.  If I couldn't run with the kids, at least I had my love, who was so, so, soooo happy my body had given up too. Because that man would have continued to drag his sorry behind through another park just to be with me.  That's love. And I'm blessed to still have that after all these years.  It might not be romantic to watch the fireworks from the parking lot. But we had a/c... and we had each other… and that was bliss for a couple of old folks. 

FIVE HOURS LATER... the kids came running back, high on sugar, adrenaline, and youth. Their happiness made my heart sing. 

And that is the tale of our epic four-parks-in-one-day Olympian Disney extravaganza. The kids took the gold for completing the quest. Army Guy and I settled for silver for our solid effort. My phone logged 17,000 steps that day.  Andrew's logged 37,000!  All-in-all it was a pretty great day. 

And also… HUGE apologies to my mother-in-law, who I dragged through the Disney gauntlet 20 years ago.  I get it now!  I do!  So, so sorry! :) 

Another Re-boot (The One Where They All Got Big)

Deb Walker has always been my number one fan.  She has cheered me (and my silly stories) on for decades.  Recently she shared a post of mine from 2017 titled "The Blog Lives On" with a comment that simply said, "still a fan".  This caused other friends to respond with joy that the blog had been revived.  Unfortunately, the blog hadn't been revived, even though I've often thought I should start posting again.  Here's my problem:  The Ducklings grew up.  And when I say "grew up"... I mean reaching heights in the 6'0" - 6'6" range.  The boys are big, y'all. And I am very, very small next to them.  But that's a story for another post. 

So, since the boys are men now, how do I tell their stories without seriously invading their privacy?  This presents me with a brand-new reality in which to navigate. Being a mom without "littles" is just…. different.  So, until I have grandchildren, who will provide me with pages and pages of wonderful content, I just have no direction.  

But this got me thinking... there ARE still stories to tell.  And gosh-darn-it... I plan to tell them. My grown-up people simply cannot kill my sense of humor.  I press on. 

So, let's get this thing rolling again.  First an update since my last post:

Matthew: (aka Huey) graduated high school in 2023.  He is 6'6" and currently pursuing a career with the Secret Service.  He fears my blog will somehow interfere with his background investigation.  Yes dear, the Secret Service is concerned that you were sued by your brother for skipping out on a bill, and that you discovered how to game the system so you could ditch kindergarten and hang with the school nurse.  Clearly you have a wicked criminal mind!

Matthew nearly killed me one day with these words "Mom, I'm buying a motorcycle". Five words that strike instant fear into a mommy heart. This mama held her breath for two years. And prayed... A LOT!  I am happy to report the Lord had His hand on my son until Matthew decided, on his own, to sell his bike. So, as of last month, I can breathe again. Thank you Lord! 

Daniel: (aka Dewey) graduated high school, Magna Cum Laude, in 2024.  So proud! Daniel, who goes by "Dan" now, (except he'll always be "Daniel" to me) is 6'0" and currently in his junior year at a university here in Texas, studying computer science. Yes, AI is giving him a bit of anxiety about his future job prospects, but we hold out hope that AI will create more jobs than it takes in the long run. He is also minoring in Psychology to hedge his bets a little. 

Daniel is currently going through a "I just want to have long hair before I go bald" phase.  I don't know why he believes he'll end up bald (cough... his Dad... cough) but he's not going down without a fight... for sure. So, Daniel now has a beautiful head of curly locks that would make any woman jealous.  And it's working for him. Respect. Daniel is living his best life and running Door Dash between classes.  Props for finding a way to earn a buck in a highly competitive, college town job market. The day he negotiated a fair wage I knew he'd be scrappy enough to work through any issue life threw in his face. 

Andrew: (aka Louie) graduated high school in 2025.  Andrew is 6'4" and is also attending a Texas University (a different college though because having two at the same school would be way too easy for the parental units... but what-ev!)  Andrew is in his sophomore year and is studying Criminal Justice with a minor in Forensics.  His ultimate goal is the FBI.  

Cheeto Guy gave up the Cheeto life during his senior year in high school. Sadly, we never got to see his Cheeto Prom attire. Tragic! I suspect a sweet girl had something to do with that.  Enter Cali; the most wonderful girlfriend a mom could ever dream up for her son.  I love her like my own and will be destroyed if they break up.  FOR REAL.  Plus, she got him to ditch the Cheeto way, which earned her a special place in my heart. She has my back and I am forever in her debt.

 

So that brings y'all up to date since I last posted.  I'm not sure where we go from here.  Will I tell stories from decades past?  Or will we just focus on recipes, books, and quilts?  At this point I'm not too sure, but anything is on the table. What I do know is that I kind of miss writing, and I'm ready to think about the sequel to "Laughing All the Way to Kindergarten".  So... here we go.  A new direction for this mom.

I'm learning to navigate life without all the chaos kids bring.  Wanna join me for the ride?

The Christmas List

 "When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for an individual to create a list of wishes and needs regarding Christmas..."

And this is how Daniel's thirteen page Christmas List Proposal begins. With an abstract page paraphrasing the Declaration of Independence, which is referenced on page 11.  

Let's just take a stroll through this masterpiece mmkay? 

The Title Page

This is what happens when a highly intelligent sixteen-year-old is enrolled in dual credit high school/college courses. He learns about the required APA format for college papers. I highly recommend visiting the web page listed on his title page, here, and then click the play button next to "Submit a Modification Request". 

(Doh... he got me!)

The Abstract Page

Because the greatest papers paraphrase Thomas Jefferson. I mean... you just can't go wrong with a Jefferson reference.

Pages 3-10

Here's where we get to the meat of the paper. This remarkably inventive narrative describes Daniel's reasoning for the items on his wish list. Notice how he leaves little "Easter eggs" for me to find. Also noteworthy are the random quotes which are peppered throughout . Because it's not truly a complete paper unless you cite quotes from experts.

World Domination? This child has lofty goals. 

But he does, apparently, care about the people's will. So that's good.

I love you too, my dear, but what Detroit and antidisestablishmentarianism have to do with your Christmas list is beyond me.  Nice quote from the expert.

I mean... who doesn't want a Silo-Based Intercontinental Ballistic Missile?

(Aaaannnnd...the House of Crazy blog was just flagged by the FBI for investigation. Hey Feds... no need to raid the crazy house or anything. Just a joke mmmkay?)

Does a guy who has a Silo-Based Intercontinental Ballistic Missile really need a rocket launcher too? I suppose if world domination is the goal, he probably does.

References

Got my handy dandy red pen out to make a little correction. He's going to hate that I found an error. 😂 I love how he lists "America" as the publisher here. Also noteworthy is the fictional "Not Communist Journal", which published Daniel's article, "Why You Should Give Me Free Stuff".  I wonder if that's a  3000 word article with 57 actual words. Things to ponder. 

The List

On page twelve we finally get to the actual list of things that I asked him to submit five weeks ago. Now I know why it took him this long to get his list to me. See... when I asked for his Christmas list, I was thinking he'd get a pen and a post-it note and jot down a few ideas. You know... like his brothers did. So, twelve pages later we learn that Daniel doesn't really want a rocket launcher and world domination. What he really wants is listed in a tidy table under the categories "I NEED ITTTT", "I Really Want It", and "I Want It".  I love how "Get a stock account set up" is an actual item on his actual Christmas List. So like... are we expecting Santa to set up an AmeriTrade account and purchase a few Google stocks, or what?

And there you have it... Daniel's Christmas List. I am tempted to run it through plagiarism software to see if his work is original. But since I'm pretty sure there is no other kid on earth who would prepare a thirteen page APA formatted term paper as a Christmas list, I'm just going to assume there is no plagiarism going on here. 

This kid!!!! 💗

p.s. I finished Christmas shopping for Daniel last week!  Fortunately, my astute intuition kicked in and I actually got some of the things he listed.  AmeriTrade account TBD.

Disrupting the Order of the Universe

Daniel: “Mom, want to see the most

outrageous thing ever?”

Me: “sure”

Daniel: (takes a bite of a Kit Kat.)

A BITE!.... OF A KIT KAT!

He’s such a rebel!

Clearly I have failed as a mother.

That grin though... 
  

Negotiation Training 101

It was not my intent to write two similar stores about the same child back-to-back... but this child continually provides material that just begs me to blog. So, here we go. I give you Daniel and his "attorney speak" - the sequel.

It was a cold, rainy day and I was feeling somewhat lazy. Since procrastination is my super-power, I had allowed the dishes to pile up and had no interest in removing my bottom from the sofa in order to remedy the situation. Then I had this brilliant idea!!!  I could get one of the boys to do the dishes. Certainly they can be bribed, I thought. So I prepared a text for all the boys which offered "things of monetary value" in exchange for doing the dishes. And then I waited.

Moments later I received a reply from Daniel. (Of course it was Daniel. The other two just ignore such texts.) His response did not disappoint.

Ok... so one child has taken the bait, I thought.  I'm certain we can come to an agreement which allows me to continue binge watching "The Good Place", while my dishes disappear. And so negotiations began.  With an ear-to-ear grin, I replied, "both". Seconds later I received another text.

The current stock market?!?!  Who is this child? 
I didn't want to open negotiations by giving him an idea of what I was willing to pay, so I replied in such a way as to draw out his price without giving away my position.

LAWYER?!?  

Clearly he didn't want to give his price away either. Excellent, my son. Hold your cards close and wait for the offer.  

There we go! He has named his price. 

Here's your valid point right here, kid!

Listen, I know $10.00 for doing the dishes is pretty steep, however, you must understand the following:

         1) I found this entire negotiation highly amusing and 

         2) On this particular day I really was THAT lazy.

The negotiations continued:

BRITISH POUNDS???

LABOR FEE???  

So we came to an agreement. $11 USD and a mint, with the labor fee waived in this specially priced package. Clearly I was TAKEN, but again, the entertainment value alone was worth the cash. Getting the dishes done was just a bonus.

And so... my lazy butt sat on the sofa while my ultra-brilliant son did the dishes. I savored the knowledge that it is unlikely anyone will ever be able to take advantage of my son. Smart little booger that he is.

And for my critics who think a child should never be paid to do "household chores": Y'all need to lighten up. Sometimes it's okay to be silly with the kids. He learned the very useful skill of negotiation, and I got my dishes done. PLUS:  when all is said and done... I'm not sure I actually paid him. And listen, if he doesn't remember, I don't see why I need to. 

I Live With a Thirteen-Year-Old Attorney

My life is a circus. Full Stop!  That is all. 

Some day's I'm not even sure who wears the ring-master hat in this household; though I'm pretty sure the monkeys are in charge quite often. But it's okay because my monkeys are smart little boogers and they entertain me greatly. Case in point:

Every two weeks I spend Sunday and Monday in frantic preparation for the housekeeper's visit on Tuesday. I make every attempt to pick up all the stuff, which includes finishing all laundry. Sometimes I fail in this area and the laundry room floor cannot be mopped for months. The laundry.... OY... it never ends! EVER!

After such an effort to clear out the laundry room, it ticks me off beyond belief when someone decides to bring down their laundry on Monday night. This compelled me to send Army Guy a text like this:

Just two hours before the arrival of awesome housekeeper. I was LIVID!

So this week I decided to be proactive and send out an announcement to the entire family on Sunday night.

Enter Daniel, my genius (smart-@$$) 13-year-old child who, I swear, was born to be an attorney.

This prompted a lively conversation between Daniel, his dad and I. This child is too intelligent for his own good.  Anyway... there was a discussion on dictatorships, sedition, treason and the idea of a revolution with the ultimate goal of a coup to overthrow the government.  To which I replied:

And then Army Guy Posted:

This conversation concluded with the entire idea of a revolution dying a slow, silent death to the soundtrack of crickets chirping in B minor. 

And that’s how you stop a revolution!

Mommy for the win!

Note to self: it really IS time to teach these boogers how to do their own laundry. (Muahahaha)

Cultural Appropriation...Or Something

"Lori's House of Crazy". That's the name of this blog for a really good reason. MY HOUSEHOLD IS CRAZY! Today's offering of insanity is courtesy of thirteen-year-old Daniel, who has been perfecting his "British accent" since we stayed at the fancy hotel in Washington DC in July. Why a fancy hotel brings about a Brit accent is beyond me. It just does, okay?  Also, please note how I define "British accent" in this instance:  "an epic failure at proper English, but a massive WIN in the comedy department none-the-less."

This weekend Army Guy left for a business trip and Daniel "bid him farewell" in proper 18th century English fashion. "Goodbye Father. Do travel safely whilst I sleep." Army Guy was seriously amused. But y'all...today Daniel absolutely slayed me when he decided to speak with the accent of a British person who is attempting an American accent. Cringe-worthy and comic gold!

I finally decided that if the child was going to continue this dialect, he needed a little training. I thought maybe he would enjoy the opportunity to immerse himself in the fascinating world of Brit-speak to perfect the Queen's proper English. That's right, I conned him into suggested he should accompany me to see Downton Abbey "for research". Since he had absolutely zero clue what he was getting into, he thought it would be great to just hang out with "mum" and eat popcorn. How could that be anything but delightful? Daniel was IN! 

Half way through the movie I looked over at Daniel and he was legit staring at the ceiling. When I asked what he was doing he replied, "trying to see if my head will fit between these two seats". So.... I'm guessing he was bored or something? Listen, I knew this was not a movie Daniel would enjoy. It was a little evil of me to suggest he accompany me. But in my defense, he HAS been annoying his brothers with his really bad British accent for two months now. So he totally deserved a couple hours of torture. When I asked if he was able to pick up some of the dialect he responded with, "No, they were just too British!" Did you hear that loyal subjects of the queen? Daniel thinks your speech is just way too British. I'm not even sure what that means, but I do believe this movie has cured him of his really-bad-accent-obsession. So I'm calling that a win.

As we walked to the car I thanked Daniel for being such a great date. Daniel didn't hesitate for even a nanosecond with his reply. "I died a little on the inside".
Great, his man-training is now complete! Win number two for the mama!

Just for fun, here is Daniel with me at the grocery store last week. He's driving on the left. "Because I'm British, Mum!"

This child... 😂😂😂

The Difference Between Nerds and Geeks

I didn't know there was actually a difference between nerds and geeks. Did you? Shocking, the things a person can learn from an 8th grader. But here's the deal, my son is a nerd...NOT a geek. 

"That's awful! He's not a nerd!" You say? Yeah, I said that too.  But it seems that the term "nerd" is not what we think. Or maybe it's exactly what we think but my son has simply embraced this label and wears it with pride.

Now...is he a nerd? NO! He's not. He's super smart and studies hard to get straight A's. I guess he thinks that's what a nerd is. (Note to self: introduce the child to "Revenge of the Nerds"). 😂

It seems that, at some point in the past two years, Daniel had a teacher who taught him that the nerds are the leaders, inventors, entrepreneurs, CEO's and millionaires of tomorrow. Daniel thought, "YES! That's who I want to be! I must be a nerd!"  A healthy self-esteem was born that day. Hat tip to the genius teacher who gave a middle school kid the freedom to be completely awkward and still like himself.

I mean, this is the child who took a tin Super Mario lunch box to school on the first day of the 8th grade. When I suggested that middle school is harsh and other kids might make fun of him, he replied: "The kids at the cool table will invite me to sit with them. And I'll say, you come sit with me...THIS is the cool table". What an incredibly grown-up attitude for a junior high kid.

So anyway, Daniel has embraced the nerd. He is comfortable being awkward because he realizes everyone in middle school is awkward. He's just not willing to pretend otherwise. 

HOW COOL IS THAT?

So, what is a geek? Daniel explains that a geek is a nerd who doesn't do well in school. He is completely socially awkward but his grades are just so-so. Daniel says he is clearly not a geek.

The question is, am I a geek?  Andrew wanted to know:

Andrew: Mom, were you a nerd or a geek in school?

Me: What's the difference?

Daniel: (explains the above)

Me: I certainly wasn't a geek

Andrew: That's what all the geeks say.

BURN!

These are the things that give me joy about living with junior high boys. They crack me up daily and sometimes even make me snort my coffee. Plus, they give me such great material in which to completely embarrass them one day when, eventually, they discover this blog. That's right!  I might be a geek but I am totally getting the last laugh!  😝