Saturday, April 7, 2018

Update on the "Chopped" Situation

The ongoing cooking show in our home descended to a whole new level of low. First, if you haven't read about my life as a reality show "chef", you should probably wander on over to that post first. Then come on back and join us for the update.

So Thursday's dinner went horrifically wrong...on so many levels. The short version involves spoiled chicken breasts, moldy French bread, and one "chef" who forgot to buy pasta. This is perplexing since I shop every Monday for exactly what I need each week. How could my chicken and bread have gone bad so quickly? dinner became an offering of a lovely tequila-lime cream sauce and Caesar salad. Now, I could have just re-named it "tequila-lime soup" and called it a day. I mean I am trying to get kicked off the show, am I not? Instead I asked Army Guy to pick up Chinese food and made a mental note to buy what I needed so we could enjoy our cream sauce with chicken and pasta the next day. WINNER of a plan .

Army Guy set the take-out containers on the table and then the "show" began.

Photo by Noahs Knight on Unsplash

Daniel:  "Chef Mom, what have you prepared for us tonight?"

Me: "Chef, tonight, instead of preparing dinner, I have instructed your father to procure dinner from our favorite Asian inspired establishment. Daddy, will you please present what you have selected."

Army Guy:  "Tonight we have a medley of Chinese dishes..."

Daniel cut Army Guy off, "I'm sorry, I was talking to Chef Mom, it's not your turn."

Me: "Chef tonight we have Lo Mein Noodles with shrimp in addition to Mongolian Beef and Orange Chicken."

Me (thinking) He HAS to kick me off tonight...I didn't do anything. This is my out.

Daniel: "Though this dinner is quite delicious, you really didn't do anything worthy of the title of MasterChef."

Me: (thinking) YES! Here it comes, so long KP duty.

And then...I made the rooky mistake of thinking out loud. "Oh fortune cookie doesn't have a fortune inside...sad!"

Matthew: "You have just selected the mystery cookie, which means...tonight is a non-elimination round".

Yep...I had my out, and I found a way to mess it up.  I saw my exit and was ready to skip right through that door singing "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah" all the way to freedom-from-the-kitchen bliss. Then I opened my idiot mouth and gave my family a reason to keep me chained to the stove for the rest of my life. Indeed I am an idiot sandwich!


Clearly I should have shut my mouth and just served the dang tequila-lime soup. For real!

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