Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Dewey was Bean-Boozled

Junior High Youth Pastors are a very unique breed of human being. They are energetic and completely entertaining at all times. Translation:  They are just plain crazy, y'all!  I guess they have to be to keep the attention of young junior high kids. These people can come up with some seriously wacky stunts. But sometimes I'm guessing they regret their decisions.  Case in point...

It was a beautifully sunny January Sunday. As Army Guy and I waited patiently to pick up Louie from children's church, Huey and Dewey entered the scene. They were just returning from their youth group shenanigans with a tale to tell. Dewey was somewhat weepy and Huey could barely contain a smirk of amusement. As Huey relayed the story, Dewey started to full-on cry and I (the mother who is supposed to provide the empathy and the wise advice) full-on laughed out loud.  (And then I felt super bad for laughing when my dear sweet son was in tears. Mother of the year award right here people!)

So here's how youth group went down on this lovely Sunday morning.  Apparently there is a new game on the market called "Bean Boozled". If you haven't heard of it, you are in for a disgusting and hilarious treat. The genius people at the Jelly Belly Company have come up with a way to market their mistakes. For instance... after an attempt at making a pizza flavored jelly belly was a complete failure, resulting in a product that tasted more like vomit, they decided to save the recipe and rename the product, thus creating a whole new line of intentionally disgusting flavors. They now market the gross flavors to kids (because, seriously... who else will gleefully eat a "vomit" bean?)  Anyway, they've now come up with a game... a sort of Jelly Bean Russian Roulette. Oh sure... all the jelly beans LOOK tasty and delightful... but not all of them actually are! Sometimes you'll get a nasty bean! Is it vanilla ice-cream or sour milk?  Strawberry or vomit? Lime or grass clippings?  You get the idea.

Anyway...the Jr. High youth pastors decided to play Bean Boozled with the kids at church. Nobody forced Dewey to play, he actually volunteered because he knows the winner usually gets a cool prize. He was delighted to be selected for this fun game of grossness.

About six kids played and each was given five beans. Supposedly they all had three or four yummy beans and one not-so-yummy flavor. They were then instructed to eat all five beans at once and I guess the idea was to keep a straight face or guess the flavors or... oh heck, I really don't know the point. You have to be twelve to get it.  Anyway, as it turns out, all five of Dewey's beans were the gross kind. He believes he got "Vomit, Booger, Trash Can and two of the Sour Milk variety".  Dewey was NOT amused. Dewey barfed. All the other kids were delighted by the barf! Pretty sure the youth pastors won't be playing Bean Boozled again.  

Now, as a mom, how can I hear this story and NOT LAUGH?  HOW? And the funniest part of all was when Dewey informed me that he did it for a prize and then THERE WAS NO PRIZE!  Drat! The child was completely Bean Boozled, up one side and down the other.  Poor Dewey.   (Snicker snicker)

Ah to be in Jr. High again. (no thanks)  Though Dewey suffered initial embarrassment from the vomit, I do believe he is now some sort of hero in the youth group. Props my son!  Mega PROPS!

And also, it turns out that sometimes it’s okay to flat out laugh in your child’s face. Sometimes it lightens the situation and makes him laugh too. (Phew)

Saturday, January 6, 2018

Andrew's Cafe

"Pillow-mail" is the most special kind of mail a mother can receive. No contest. Though you never really know what message it will contain, it is practically guaranteed to be something delightful and heartwarming. Pillow-mail is my absolute favorite! It is rare and special and usually makes my heart melt. Sometimes it even includes gifts! 

So when I saw a blue envelope on my pillow, I knew it would be something completely fabulous... and I was NOT wrong!

I opened the mail to find an invitation. 

"Hello, The staff and owner of Andrew's Cafe is proud to welcome you and a guest to Andrew's Cafe. We open at 7:00 AM. You are currently reserved for 9:00 AM. To confirm your reservation, please call the number below."

Apparently a new restaurant has popped up inside my house. I was instantly intrigued and immediately called to confirm my reservation. The manager who took my call was very polite. At one point he did have to put me on hold while he checked his reservation book. But he quickly returned to the call and confirmed my reservation with a very grown-up professionalism.

The next day I was handed a grocery list of items Chef Andrew needed for his cafe. Though I had not yet seen his menu, the ingredients he requested gave me a peak at the culinary genius I was about to experience. Chef Andrew made sure to add "Andes Chocolate Mints" to his requisition. This was going to be special indeed.

This morning I woke to Chef Andrew himself standing beside my bed. It was then that I discovered this was a "room service" sort of cafe and I would be dining in my jammies. Clearly the boy knows how to impress a girl.

The menu, though simple, was delightful. I contemplated ordering "normal milk" but opted for coffee instead. Though I would have enjoyed popcorn for breakfast, I witnessed Andrew's trial run at popcorn popping last night.  Let's just say 2/3 of the kernels were left in the bowl, un-popped and swimming in butter. Though I do enjoy butter...very much...I thought waffles would be a better option for breakfast today. As a side I chose eggs. Chef Andrew prepares them one way...scrambled. 

The food was simply lovely. The waffles were of the "Eggo" variety and were lightly toasted to perfection. The eggs were fluffy, beautifully seasoned, and most importantly, without shells. The meal was a home run!

As I savored my last few bites, Chef Andrew handed me the bill.    


Dude was serious! He actually prepared a bill. So let’s dissect his genius business plan, shall we?
  1. Set up shop where the rent is free.  
  2. Get someone else to pay for your supplies.
  3. Prepare your meal using the kitchen tools, appliances, and utilities somebody else has purchased.
  4. Send invitations to your grand opening... using the words "would like to welcome you and a guest..."
  5. Create a beautiful dining experience and then...PRESENT A BILL!!!
Dude has ZERO OVERHEAD! I find this both hilarious and genius! Little man has a bright future in business. Plus, he is aware that including chocolate makes paying the piper a little easier. Nice touch!

This made me laugh...HARD!  For my amusement alone, I gladly paid the bill...plus a 100% tip. Because I'm generous like that! And now I have to run, because I suspect this is the sort of establishment where "somebody else" cleans the kitchen.  Just a hunch.

Copywrite 2018 - Loretta Monroe