Thursday, December 4, 2008

Huey, Dewey & Louie Go To Michael's

The following story is true... I swear! It is not exaggerated in any way. Even I could not make this up!

Yesterday I had some shopping to do at Michael's. Now, those of you with small children are aware that the aisles at Michael's are very narrow, making it impossible to place your stroller
anywhere in the store that is out of reach of stuff! You can't even do the "put-your-stroller-in-the-center-of-the-aisle" trick... because that will only enable your precious, precious children to access stuff on both sides of the aisle. Hey Michael's people, listen up!

So we are in the candle aisle. Somebody... not sure which one... breaks a small glass votive candle holder. It goes splat all over the place. I'm standing there in a zillion shards of glass and trying to get the attention of someone to help. No such luck. So I push the stroller around the corner to the ribbon aisle and instruct Huey to "stay and watch your brothers"... I head off, in search of someone to inform about the glass. While I'm away Huey did, indeed, watch his brothers. He watched them "access" about 8 rolls of ribbon and throw the spools down the aisle, causing about 200 feet of ribbon to unravel all over the floor.

Now we have one aisle with broken glass, and one aisle nicely decorated with ribbon. Oh... but "we're" not done yet. As I am trying to re-roll 200 feet of ribbon, and Louie is continuing to throw more ribbon spools on the floor... more unraveling ... Huey comes to me and says "mom... I think there is something wrong with my foot". (just a side note... Huey is wearing his Lightning McQueen Crocs in December... because... well... that's what we do in South Carolina. ) Anyway... turns out, there is glass inside his shoe and his toe is bleeding. I frantically search my purse for a tissue... Band Aid... gauze pad... tourniquet... there is nothing. But then a light bulb goes off and I pull out..... wait for it..... a pantie-liner!

So I am kneeling on the floor of Michael's, holding a pantie-liner to my 4-year-old son's toe, while his brothers continue to "decorate" with ribbon and customers try to avoid glass on the next aisle. It occurs to me, "this is one of those 'mom' moments!". I start to laugh... and laugh... and start to cry because I find this so incredibly funny. Huey looks at me as if to say "why are you laughing... my toe is cut!" All I can tell him is... "I know you don't understand, but this is really, really funny". Then I put the pantie-liner inside his shoe and it is the
perfect fit... Like some sort of Dr. Scholls-Lite-Days-Sole-Insert. We continue to shop, knowing that Huey has several hours of "protection".

Fast forward about 5 hours. It's bath time. I have totally forgotten the pantie-liner incident. Huey brings me his "sole insert" and he says to me, "Mom... my toe is all better. Thanks for the shoe band-aid." I'm on the floor laughing again..... The child just slays me!

And I'm certain we are no longer welcome at Michael's. :o)


  1. That is so funny, Lori!

    When I took first aid in college we were told to keep a large maxi pad in our kits to use for massive bleeds. I went out and found the biggest maternity pad I could find. It is still in my first aid kit 10 years later. I think I am going to "downgrade" to a panty -liner after reading your story.

  2. That was tooo funny. I think you missed your should write a book. I would totally read it and be the pres of your fan club. Your family is absolutely beautiful...your army of small men is growing. I really miss's been almost a year since you left.


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