Vacations with Boys

We are making memories, I reminded myself, while trudging through the sticky, swampy, gnat infested Capitol Mall on our way to the Lincoln Memorial. We are providing an educational and cultural experience to enrich their lives, I thought. We are impressing upon them the blessings of their heritage. Do you know what else we were doing? We were providing the perfect scenario for them to whine me into an early grave.

I'll just get straight to the point...Vacations with boys are no vacation at all.

Let me be more precise. Vacations to historic places with teen/tween boys stink like the chicken skin I put in the trash under my sink...five days ago. (Note to self: have this week's trash boy do his job.) Vacations to Six Flags, Disney World, or any water park - anywhere, are SUPER FUN...for the kids. But yeah, still kinda stinks for the mama.

This summer we decided to introduce the boys to some culture and history, so we planned a vacation to Washington DC. Since they have all learned about American History in school, I was super excited to show them the monuments and take them to all the historical places they had studied. Army Guy and I loved it. We were moved by the WWII Memorial, which is incredibly stunning! Bravo memorial designer guy. Bravo!  

Another favorite was Mt. Vernon; the home of President George Washington. The museum at Mt. Vernon was actually better than the Smithsonian's Museum of American History (the section on the American Revolution, anyway). I absolutely love American History and I am in awe of historical places. But do you know who isn't such a fan of history and historical places?  The Ducklings. Sigh. Here is the background soundtrack to our vacation. (I'm not even kidding)

• How much more walking?
• It's hot.
• Can we get an electric scooter?
• I hate this.
• I don't want to see anymore monuments to dead guys.
• Can we get an electric scooter?
• I don't want to learn anymore.
• When can we go back to the hotel?
• Can we get an electric scooter?
• We should have brought the Xbox.
• How many more floors are in this museum?
• Why didn't we stay in a hotel with a pool?  (Answer: so you wouldn't spend every day doing what you can do at home while ignoring the rich history of this nation. You'll thank me one day.) 
• I want hamburgers for dinner (And lunch. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.)
• Why can't we get an electric scooter?
• Why doesn't Washington DC have a Whataburger?
• There are bugs in my face!
• Cemeteries are boring 
• Can we use an electric scooter in Arlington?

The list goes on. Let's just say, the Ducklings didn't really enjoy Washington DC, (except, of course, for the subway...they thought that was COOL!) I should make them write a paper for being so annoying. One day they will appreciate this experience and will want to go back. And then THEY CAN SPEND THEIR OWN DANG MONEY to repeat an experience they didn't appreciate in their teens. So...here's a big 'ol "WHATEV" to my kids. I say that with love.

After four agonizing wonderful days in Washington DC, we flew down to Columbia, SC where we got to visit our dear friends, the Long Family.  The boys finally got to swim, relax, watch movies and play video games. They were in heaven...and so was I because I got to hang with my sweet friend, Kelly. For six days all was right with the world.

So here are my lessons learned from our sticky, humid, July visit to DC:

• The pool really is important. Don't assume the sheer awesomeness of your 5-star hotel will in any way make up for the lack of a pool for the teenage people.
• Staying in a super fancy hotel will bring about a British accent in a thirteen-year-old boy. Who knew? Fancy digs = fancy speech...or something.
• Burgers every day will not kill you...but you might wish otherwise.
• Get the dang scooter.
• Traveling with an American-to-British translator is quite amusing.
• Hotel pizza delivery service is genius! So is a steak dinner for two at the uber fancy, and shockingly pricey, hotel steakhouse. WIN/WIN!
• It is fallacy to assume that visiting the Capitol Mall at night will be better because "it won't be so hot". 

1.     Every person in America will have the same idea. 

2.     Fourteen TRILLION gnats live in/about the area of the reflecting pool, and they come out at night. Why yes...walking into swarms of bugs in the dark was my ideal dream vacation. Pro tip: walk along the lighted path. The bugs will swarm near the street lights and not your face. 

3.     It is actually possible for the night to become more hot and sticky after the sun goes down. WHAT THE HECK IS THAT ABOUT?

All-in-all the Ducklings actually did have a great vacation. (Except for the museums, walking, humidity and gnats). Next time, however, I splurge on the stupid scooters. Wait…. NEXT TIME?

First Day. Not whiny...yet! 

Second Day: This photo pretty much sums up the entire trip! 

And also... why DOESN'T Washington DC have a Whataburger? Valid question, my son!