This Day - I will Cherish

photo by Alex Jones on Unsplash

It's zero-dark-thirty in the morning. I'm up, barely functioning, and getting my new freshman off to school. We're a month into this insane early morning schedule. High School. This is where we are now, and it happened way too fast. 

I watch him walk toward the bus, all 6'4" of him. His stride is confident; he is owning this day. He's not nervous or anxious about high school. He is ready. I am not. It seems like yesterday I took him to kindergarten. Memories of that day churn within me as I fight back a tear. Mental photos flash in my mind - a slideshow of the moments I won’t forget. The three-year-old who was terrified of the smoke detector; the four-year old who said “Mom, you are awesome and I just want to hang out with you”; the kindergarten kid who was fascinated with the microphone during the Bible School program; and now the “big kid” who cares for and protects his brothers, and really, REALLY wants a Lamborghini. Where did the time go?

While I was busy writing a book about the preschool years, my children were growing and becoming incredibly cool people. And today, with my almost 15-year-old headed to high school, I am painfully aware that taking my son to college is in my near future. High school will be over in a nanosecond and then he will be gone from my home. And then one-by-one, they will all be gone. This is both the blessing and the curse of motherhood.

Many of you faced the "college good-bye" for the first time this month. You took your first born to college and then posted the photos on Facebook. Entire families, tears in their eyes, sharing a final moment before the family unit is no longer “complete”. Five becomes four. Soon they will be three. And then, in just a few short years, only two remain - the way it all began. Just seeing those photos made me cry. I could see both pain and pride on the mommy faces. It looked so hard. You were brave. How did you do it?

If we do a good job as parents, we will raise amazing and successful individuals. But before they can go do the things they were born to do, and be the people God created them to be, they must step out on their own. THAT is the most painful part about being a parent. Letting go. But what is the alternative? I certainly don't want a 36 year old living in my home and playing video games full time while he eats All.The.Food!  Letting go is difficult. Clearly not letting go would be problematic.  

And so, today my emotions are all over the place. This is the natural progression of parenting. We think raising preschoolers is so hard - and it is - but that is nothing compared to adjusting to life without them. Every parent before me knows this. It.Is.Hard.

For all the mommies out there who took their children young adults to college this month - I salute you. I don't know how you are walking around with any semblance of composure. I know your heart is breaking as you adjust to your new normal. I cry with you at the thought of this becoming my reality in just four short years.

So as he steps into his high school years, I resolve to do better, be better, love harder, and give more. I have this day to cherish. Tomorrow’s worries are for a future me who is better equipped to handle tomorrow’s pain. Today I will make a conscious effort to hold my children a little tighter and tell them I love them a few more times. Today I will strive to be in the moment, for all the moments I have left. The moments are precious - they are my treasures. I will not waste them. I will cherish this day.

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There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)