It was a cold, rainy day and I was feeling somewhat lazy. Since procrastination is my super-power, I had allowed the dishes to pile up and had no interest in removing my bottom from the sofa in order to remedy the situation. Then I had this brilliant idea!!! I could get one of the boys to do the dishes. Certainly they can be bribed, I thought. So I prepared a text for all the boys which offered "things of monetary value" in exchange for doing the dishes. And then I waited.
Moments later I received a reply from Daniel. (Of course it was Daniel. The other two just ignore such texts.) His response did not disappoint.
Ok... so one child has taken the bait, I thought. I'm certain we can come to an agreement which allows me to continue binge watching "The Good Place", while my dishes disappear. And so negotiations began. With an ear-to-ear grin, I replied, "both". Seconds later I received another text.
The current stock market?!?! Who is this child?
I didn't want to open negotiations by giving him an idea of what I was willing to pay, so I replied in such a way as to draw out his price without giving away my position.
LAWYER?!?Clearly he didn't want to give his price away either. Excellent, my son. Hold your cards close and wait for the offer.
There we go! He has named his price.
Here's your valid point right here, kid!
Listen, I know $10.00 for doing the dishes is pretty steep, however, you must understand the following:
1) I found this entire negotiation highly amusing and
2) On this particular day I really was THAT lazy.
The negotiations continued:
So we came to an agreement. $11 USD and a mint, with the labor fee waived in this specially priced package. Clearly I was TAKEN, but again, the entertainment value alone was worth the cash. Getting the dishes done was just a bonus.
And so... my lazy butt sat on the sofa while my ultra-brilliant son did the dishes. I savored the knowledge that it is unlikely anyone will ever be able to take advantage of my son. Smart little booger that he is.
And for my critics who think a child should never be paid to do "household chores": Y'all need to lighten up. Sometimes it's okay to be silly with the kids. He learned the very useful skill of negotiation, and I got my dishes done. PLUS: when all is said and done... I'm not sure I actually paid him. And listen, if he doesn't remember, I don't see why I need to.