The Christmas List

 "When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for an individual to create a list of wishes and needs regarding Christmas..."

And this is how Daniel's thirteen page Christmas List Proposal begins. With an abstract page paraphrasing the Declaration of Independence, which is referenced on page 11.  

Let's just take a stroll through this masterpiece mmkay? 

The Title Page

This is what happens when a highly intelligent sixteen-year-old is enrolled in dual credit high school/college courses. He learns about the required APA format for college papers. I highly recommend visiting the web page listed on his title page, here, and then click the play button next to "Submit a Modification Request". 

(Doh... he got me!)

The Abstract Page

Because the greatest papers paraphrase Thomas Jefferson. I mean... you just can't go wrong with a Jefferson reference.

Pages 3-10

Here's where we get to the meat of the paper. This remarkably inventive narrative describes Daniel's reasoning for the items on his wish list. Notice how he leaves little "Easter eggs" for me to find. Also noteworthy are the random quotes which are peppered throughout . Because it's not truly a complete paper unless you cite quotes from experts.

World Domination? This child has lofty goals. 

But he does, apparently, care about the people's will. So that's good.

I love you too, my dear, but what Detroit and antidisestablishmentarianism have to do with your Christmas list is beyond me.  Nice quote from the expert.

I mean... who doesn't want a Silo-Based Intercontinental Ballistic Missile?

(Aaaannnnd...the House of Crazy blog was just flagged by the FBI for investigation. Hey Feds... no need to raid the crazy house or anything. Just a joke mmmkay?)

Does a guy who has a Silo-Based Intercontinental Ballistic Missile really need a rocket launcher too? I suppose if world domination is the goal, he probably does.

References

Got my handy dandy red pen out to make a little correction. He's going to hate that I found an error. 😂

I love how he lists "America" as the publisher here. Also noteworthy is the fictional "Not Communist Journal", which published Daniel's article, "Why You Should Give Me Free Stuff".  I wonder if that's a  3000 word article with 57 actual words. Things to ponder. 

The List

On page twelve we finally get to the actual list of things that I asked him to submit five weeks ago. Now I know why it took him this long to get his list to me. See... when I asked for his Christmas list, I was thinking he'd get a pen and a post-it note and jot down a few ideas. You know... like his brothers did. So, twelve pages later we learn that Daniel doesn't really want a rocket launcher and world domination. What he really wants is listed in a tidy table under the categories "I NEED ITTTT", "I Really Want It", and "I Want It".  I love how "Get a stock account set up" is an actual item on his actual Christmas List. So like... are we expecting Santa to set up an AmeriTrade account and purchase a few Google stocks, or what?

And there you have it... Daniel's Christmas List. I am tempted to run it through plagiarism software to see if his work is original. But since I'm pretty sure there is no other kid on earth who would prepare a thirteen page APA formatted term paper as a Christmas list, I'm just going to assume there is no plagiarism going on here. 

This kid!!!! 💗

p.s. I finished Christmas shopping for Daniel last week!  Fortunately, my astute intuition kicked in and I actually got some of the things he listed.  AmeriTrade account TBD.

Breaking News! Cheeto Guy Has Another Genius Idea

 

(*If you haven't read the recent "Cheeto Guy" post, click here to catch up.  You won't be sorry, I promise.)

So, here's an update to the Cheeto Guy post. Andrew has informed me that he wants to get this orange suit for his senior prom in two years. Kohls.com carries this suit in every color you can imagine. Incidentally, they also carry suits with the American flag, the Canadian Flag, and in a fabric featuring lovely pink flamingos. Just FYI. You can see all the fantastic suit designs here. (Note: this post is not sponsored by Kohl's, however, perhaps I should take a page from Cheeto Guy's play book and ask them. Look, a corporate sponsorship does not come to people who do not ask. Truth!) 

Back to Andrew's prom attire. This kiddo is cooking up big plans and his vision is far more grand than a mere $59.00 orange suit. You see, Andrew plans to have the Cheeto logo printed on the back. Classy, right?

So this revelation from Cheeto Guy leads me to these four thoughts:

1. If anyone can pull off an orange Cheeto suit at the prom, it's Andrew. I mean, at this point an orange Cheeto suit is expected and practically required. 
2. Any girl who will put up with this planned Cheeto Prom attire, is a treasure to be cherished. Fact!
3. If his date wears a blue dress they could totally get away with it, since the school colors are orange and blue. 
4. That thought conjures up this image... 

...I don't even know how to process that thought.  I just don't.

But I suspect that Andrew will have a few fantastic stories for his grandkids one day...complete with excellent photos to prove it all happened. So there's that! 

Cheeto Guy

It’s been two and a half years since my last post. Either I'm lame, lazy, or lack inspiration. Truth be told it's probably a combination of all three. Also, there was the whole COVID-19 extravaganza that sort of killed my sense of humor. But here I am, back at it. Not giving in to the absolute crap show our world has become. I WILL find humor in life...dang it!

So, with that, I give you the latest happenings at the House of Crazy.  Enter "Cheeto Guy". 

Cheeto Guy, AKA Andrew, is a monster of my own creation. It all began while Army Guy and I were Christmas shopping in 2019. We stumbled upon a Cheeto hoodie, and we both had the same light bulb moment at the exact same time. "Andrew would love that", we said in unison. Yep, we were right, Andrew did, indeed, love it. In fact, he has loved that hoodie so much he now has four Cheeto hoodies and wears NOTHING ELSE for going on three straight years. Lovely! The entire school knows Andrew as "Cheeto Guy". He's a living, breathing advertisement for the Frito-Lay company. Everywhere we go, someone from school knows him. They don't know his real name though, he's just "Cheeto Guy".  And now, by default, I am "Cheeto Guy's Mom".  See kids, the choices we make have a profound impact on everyone in the family.  

Early on I tried to get Cheeto Guy to wear something else. Especially to church. But nope... "Cheeto is my way of life, mom", Andrew explained. I had flashbacks to when Andrew was four and I let him wear any Halloween costume whenever he wanted to. It was totally normal to have breakfast with Spiderman, Ironman, or some random Ninja guy. How is this any different? Clearly the precedence was set a long time ago. So, I gave up the fight. Yup, I decided this isn’t a battle worth fighting. Cheeto Guy is a part of our family now and I have to live with the beast of my own creation. DRAT.

Recently Andrew informed me that he contacted the Frito-Lay company asking for a sponsorship. HAHAHAHA!  There you go, kiddo. If you're going to spend three years as a walking-talking billboard for Cheetos, they should at least pay you. Good thinking.  So, here's his plan: Andrew seeks a monthly stipend to continue his advertising campaign through the "Cheeto way".  Additionally, he would like to get an orange car and have it wrapped to reflect his Cheeto Lifestyle... for a fee of course. Andrew thinks this will generate enough cash for

        1) the car
        2) college 

 I like the way you think, kid.

At this time, we await a reply from Frito-Lay. I'm not holding my breath, but if I were the advertising manager for Cheetos, I might be tempted to accept this ad campaign. Just for kicks.

And now, please enjoy this Cheeto photo shoot with a sign Andrew made in woodshop. I mean...who wouldn't want this kid as their spokesman? 😂😂😂

Click here for the update to this story. It just gets better and better 😂