The Christmas List

 "When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for an individual to create a list of wishes and needs regarding Christmas..."

And this is how Daniel's thirteen page Christmas List Proposal begins. With an abstract page paraphrasing the Declaration of Independence, which is referenced on page 11.  

Let's just take a stroll through this masterpiece mmkay? 

The Title Page

This is what happens when a highly intelligent sixteen-year-old is enrolled in dual credit high school/college courses. He learns about the required APA format for college papers. I highly recommend visiting the web page listed on his title page, here, and then click the play button next to "Submit a Modification Request". 

(Doh... he got me!)

The Abstract Page

Because the greatest papers paraphrase Thomas Jefferson. I mean... you just can't go wrong with a Jefferson reference.

Pages 3-10

Here's where we get to the meat of the paper. This remarkably inventive narrative describes Daniel's reasoning for the items on his wish list. Notice how he leaves little "Easter eggs" for me to find. Also noteworthy are the random quotes which are peppered throughout . Because it's not truly a complete paper unless you cite quotes from experts.

World Domination? This child has lofty goals. 

But he does, apparently, care about the people's will. So that's good.

I love you too, my dear, but what Detroit and antidisestablishmentarianism have to do with your Christmas list is beyond me.  Nice quote from the expert.

I mean... who doesn't want a Silo-Based Intercontinental Ballistic Missile?

(Aaaannnnd...the House of Crazy blog was just flagged by the FBI for investigation. Hey Feds... no need to raid the crazy house or anything. Just a joke mmmkay?)

Does a guy who has a Silo-Based Intercontinental Ballistic Missile really need a rocket launcher too? I suppose if world domination is the goal, he probably does.

References

Got my handy dandy red pen out to make a little correction. He's going to hate that I found an error. 😂

I love how he lists "America" as the publisher here. Also noteworthy is the fictional "Not Communist Journal", which published Daniel's article, "Why You Should Give Me Free Stuff".  I wonder if that's a  3000 word article with 57 actual words. Things to ponder. 

The List

On page twelve we finally get to the actual list of things that I asked him to submit five weeks ago. Now I know why it took him this long to get his list to me. See... when I asked for his Christmas list, I was thinking he'd get a pen and a post-it note and jot down a few ideas. You know... like his brothers did. So, twelve pages later we learn that Daniel doesn't really want a rocket launcher and world domination. What he really wants is listed in a tidy table under the categories "I NEED ITTTT", "I Really Want It", and "I Want It".  I love how "Get a stock account set up" is an actual item on his actual Christmas List. So like... are we expecting Santa to set up an AmeriTrade account and purchase a few Google stocks, or what?

And there you have it... Daniel's Christmas List. I am tempted to run it through plagiarism software to see if his work is original. But since I'm pretty sure there is no other kid on earth who would prepare a thirteen page APA formatted term paper as a Christmas list, I'm just going to assume there is no plagiarism going on here. 

This kid!!!! 💗

p.s. I finished Christmas shopping for Daniel last week!  Fortunately, my astute intuition kicked in and I actually got some of the things he listed.  AmeriTrade account TBD.